I am going to post some jokes. I know I will regret blogging this trivial garbage, that has no insightful purpose and is lighter on content than an inflight magazine, but I found them rediciously funny, and I promise never ever to do it again. Seriously.
Johnny was a chemist’s son but Johnny is no more, what Johnny thought was H2O was H2SO4.
A man and a little girl are walking through the woods. After awhile, the little girl says to the man, “Gee, we sure have walked a long way…” to which the man replies, “Just think about me… I have to walk all the way back by myself!”
A physicist, a biologist, and a chemist all go to the ocean to study it for the first time. The physicist sees the waves and the current and the structures the wind has carved out in the dunes and exclaimed, ‘look at all of the physics at work, i simply must study it!’ and promptly runs into the ocean and drowns. The biologist notices the complex ecosystem living off of each other in the ocean and yells excitedly, ‘imagine all of the undiscovered species in this water!’ and runs into the ocean to immediately drown. The chemist pulls out his notepad and pen and slowly writes ‘physicists and biologists dissolve in water.’
So this baby seal walks into a club.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
Because she wasn’t wearing her seatbelt.
What’s the last thing to go through Princess Diana’s mind before she died?
The radiator.
A priest, a monk, and a rabbi walk into a bar. They all sit down and each order a martini. They get to talking about the deep stuff, religion, philosophy, you know, the meaning of it all. Three hours later they leave with a feeling of enlightenment and a respect for one another that will last a lifetime.
A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says, “Fuck off! You won’t bring it back.”
What is the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus? It only takes one nail to hang the painting.
I was having a bad day already and wasn’t watching what I was doing – anyway, I rear ended the car in front of me… And you know how some days just get weird?! Well this midget gets out the car I’ve just hit and storms up screaming hell and blue murder. I get out the car and he says he’s a lawyer… ‘ok’, I say, then in his most proffesional voice he says ‘I’m not happy!’. Due to the day I’d already had, I said, ‘well which one are you then?!’ – that’s when the fight started.
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and asks, “Does this taste ‘funny’ to you?”
A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street and see a kid playing.. The priest says “Hey, let’s screw that kid” and the rabbi says “Outta what?”
Q: What do you call a hooker with a runny nose?
A: Full.
